Pain and Gain
by FreshInc
Summary: This is taking place after Barry Frost's death. Jane isn't dealing too well, and Maura is doing her very best to help her best friend through. Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, so here's the deal: I wanted to give it a go on writing a Rizzles fic. However, I'm not sure if you guys will like it, so I'm just posting a test chapter first. If it seems to be received fairly well, I will continue this story. If you guys like it, please let me know, and I will keep this thing going :) **

**-Bente**

Jane's phone was ringing once again. Jane picked it up and looked at the display. It was Maura again. She pressed the reject button once again. As the screen went back to the main screen, she could read all the missed calls and messages she had gotten over the last few days. 57 messages and 73 missed calls. The voicemail was probably full too.

Jane took another sip from the bottle of vodka in her hand. Jane might be pregnant, but after Barry had died, she no longer had any regards about her own health or the baby's.

Three days ago Jane had learned about Barry's death, that's when she had started drinking. She hadn't spent a moment sober since. From the moment she woke up she started drinking and she kept it going until she passed out with the bottle in her hand.  
The apartment was a mess, worse than usual. Half eaten take out boxes were scattered all over the floor and clothes everywhere. This was strange, because for the past three days she had worn nothing but her underwear, and barely even changed those.

All day long this was all she was doing, walking around the apartment, drinking from one of her many bottles she had acquired on her way home after she had seen Barry's body.  
And the routine hadn't changed today. Jane passed out on the couch, bottle in hand, at 10 PM.

Maura put the phone back on the kitchen counter and sighed. This was the 39th time she had attempted to call the brunette. She has also been at the apartment 12 times. However, she had yet to use the spare key to get in.  
Maura knew that Jane would be grieving the loss of a close friend and partner, but now she was getting worried.  
She grabbed her keys off of the little table by the door and then she was on her way to Jane's apartment.

10 minutes later she was knocking on the detective's door. When nobody answered, she pulled out her key to lock herself in to the apartment. When she saw the state of the place, she couldn't help but whisper to herself; _"Oh, poor Jane"_, and shake her head.

She took another quick glance around and saw Jane passed out on the couch.  
Maura went over to kneel down by Jane's head where she carefully tucked the hair that had fallen over her face, behind her ear and gently kissed her on the forehead before she whispered again; _"I'm here now"_.

Maura pulled a blanket over Jane, cleared the bottle in her hand and put it in the kitchen before she sat down on the couch by the brunettes' feet. She grabbed a book from the table, determined to stay there until Jane gained consciousness again.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: okay, it's been a while since the first chapter, but to be completely honest, I never expected to actually continue the story. I had little faith in this and decided that if I got 5 followers, I would continue. I never thought I actually would gain that. So with having more then 600 readers the first 48 hours, made me decide to keep going, so the time since the last chapter has been spent planning the plot a lot better and writing a few chapters here and there. From here on updates shouldn't come this far between, though. **_

**_Hope you all enjoy these next few words I brought you. I promise future capers will be longer :)_**

**_-B_**

It was early morning, around 7 AM, when Jane began to stir.

As she was stretching out she felt something under her feet. Something that hadn't been there when she fell asleep the night before.

Opening her eyes, she was met with the sight of Dr. Maura Isles asleep with her head resting on the back of the couch and a book in her lap.

Jane laid still for a few moments, taking in the honey blonde beauty sleeping with her feet on her lap.

When Jane moved her feet to put them on the floor, Maura moved as well, but not waking up, clearly seeking a better position to sleep in.

The book in her lap fell to the floor and Jane picked it up, looking at it she saw that it was her favorite. Worn to the point where it barely hung to get here any more. With a slight smile she put it back on the table, pondering what would bring the doctor to read 'Wuthering Heights'. She had never been able to picture Maura reading anything that wasn't scientific, even though her book shelf at home was equally full with old classics, as it was filled with science related reading material.

In her sleep, Maura tucked her feet under herself and now resting her head on the armrest, clearly more comfortable like this. Jane brought out a blanket that was resting on the back of the couch and wrapped it around Maura who seemed to need the rest. She looked exhausted.

Jane headed into the bathroom to get herself ready for the day. When she saw herself in the mirror she saw how worn out and tired she looked. That was the moment everything came back to her. She remembered why she had fallen asleep on the couch. She remembered why there was bottles and empty take out boxes everywhere. She remembered Frost.

For a moment there she had forgotten everything. For a moment everything was back to normal. For a moment she had been her old self again.

"Fuck, she whispered to her reflection in the mirror, leaning on the sink with both hands.

"FUCK", She yelled. For getting about Maura asleep on the couch, before she pulled back her fist and slammed it through the mirror, through the cabinet on the other side and finally through the wall behind everything.

The yell and the loud bang woke Maura up from her slumber, she sat bolt upright, her heart slamming against her chest. For a second she was confused, wondering where she was and what was going on.

When she realised she was on Janes couch, she smiled for half a moment before she remembered the loud noise and ran to the bathroom where the noise came from.

When she walked through the door she couldn't see anyone at first, nor anything that could have cause the noise. As she was about to leave the room to look for the detective elsewhere, she noticed a shadow curled together under the sink.

Maura sat down on her knees only to find Jane clutching her left hand with a bloody towel, cursing under her breath.

"Jane? What happened?", she asked, careful not to startle the detective that had yet to see her.

Jane glared at Maura, not sure if she wanted her there or not. She opted on doing what she did best when shit was though, push her away.

"Nothing. I'm fine. You can leave now."

Maura was used to Jane acting like this, she knew perfectly well that Jane just tried to push her away in order to be left alone sulking.

Maura on the other hand, wasn't going to let her do this again. Not after everything that had happened. She already had three days alone to sulk and mourn the loss of her partner. The doctor was not about to let her push her away. She needed Jane as much as Jane needed her.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: Okay, so maybe it took longer than planned to get this up, and I won't make any lame excuses. I've just haven't had the time. But now it's here, and I hope I won't disappoint you guys too much. Please let me know what you think and I'll have the next chapter up soon. It's already ready for you guys :)_**

**_-B_**

Maura reached out her hands, offering them to the brunette sitting under the sink. Jane's response was to push Maura's hand away and getting up on her own.

When she got up, she clutched her hand to her chest, still keeping it wrapped up in the now red towel. She brushed past Maura on her way out of the bathroom before she turned towards the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Once she was inside, she locked the door and started searching for a bottle that wasn't empty already. This turned out to be a harder task than she would have thought it to be. Finally she found a bottle of vodka with about 3 swallows left in it.

While she was seeking the bottle, she didn't notice the fact that Maura wasn't hammering on the door and talking to her, attempting to get in. When she was almost trough with the liquid, the almost chocked. Maura had pulled out a ladder and was currently knocking on the window to get Jane's attention.

At the same time, both of them realized it was already open. Jane ran over, hoping she would manage to close it before Maura got inside.

Maura, on the other hand, practically threw herself inside as soon as she realized what Jane was going to do.

Maura was first. She was on the floor grunting. She had landed on her wrist wrong and suspected it might be twisted.

The blonde took half a second to gather her mind, by the time that half a second had passed, Jane was already halfway to the door, planning on escaping again.

Maura was not going to let her get away again. She was going to force the detective to face everything, even if just for a little while.

Neither one of them was quite sure how it even happened, but a moment later, Maura had grabbed Jane by her arm and pushed her up against the wall.

It was exactly what Maura had always wanted to do, except that in her dreams it was for completely different reasons and with a different outcome.

Jane was furious.

"Just stop running for a second, Jane. You need to face this at some point anyway, so please just talk to me. Just don't run away from this".

Jane had no intention of not escaping from this, so she started to fight the Doctor. Somehow Maura had gained superhuman strength in all of this and was able to keep Jane in place.

After a few minutes of fighting, Jane realized she wasn't getting anywhere and embraced Maura, sobbing into her shoulder. Another few minutes passed before Jane began talking;

"Make me forget, Maura. Please just make me forget".

"What do you want me to do, Jane? I'll do anything to help you".

Jane doesn't respond to this, just starts to kiss Maura on her neck, showing her what she wants. Maura's answer to Jane coming on to her, is to push her away.

"Anything but that, Jane. You know just as well as I do that it only will make you feel worse".

"Oh come on, Maur. How can you say no? We both know you've wanted this ever since we first met".

This was indeed true, but it wasn't going to make her give in, no matter how much she wanted to.

Maura bowed her head down and took a step back.

"Jane... Please dont".

"Maura, come on. This is a win-win thing. You get to sleep with me, and I get to forget, even just for a moment".

Jane stepped forward, following Maura as she was stepping backwards. Her eyes black with determination.

"Jane! Stop it! I'm not going to do this, no matter what you say".

Jane pressed Maura up against the wall, her hands leaning on the wall behind Maura's head. This was truly everything Maura had ever wanted. Except from the whole why this was happening.

"But you want to, though. I see no reason why you are saying no to me. Come on, let me fulfil your fantasies at last. I know you want to".

"That's not the point, Jane! The point is that I'm not going to do this. So you can just stop whatever it is you are trying to do right now".

Maura was trying hard to fight the arousal she was feeling at her come. Ever since they had first met, there was nothing she wanted more than having Jane push her up against the wall and have her way with her. Even just thinking about it made it difficult on focusing on saying no to the tall brunette in front of her.

"What is the point the? We both need this. Sure, it's for different reasons, but we both need this. Just fuck me, Maur. Fuck me good".

The last part was whispered in her ear with a husky voice, making Maura feel her knees getting weaker each moment that passed. Having Jane's raspy voice asking her, no, commanding her to do her was making it very difficult to stay standing.

"The point is that you are not going to talk me into sleeping with you no matter how much you think it might help you".

For once, Maura desperately wished that she was able to lie. It would have been so much easier to just tell her she didn't want her and only possessed platonic feelings for the detective.

Jane leaned in closer, their lips almost touching. Maura could taste the alcohol on Jane's breath.

"I think the point, Maur, is that you are scared. Scared of what the aftermath might be like. I bet you that's the deal. You are scared of being hurt".

Maura tried to push Jane away, but with no success. Jane stood like a rock.

"That's not the point. I'm not scared".

The hives began. Jane had a smug smile tugging at her lips.

"I mean..", Maura stuttered, "I just, I mean, if this were going to happen, I would want it to happen the right way".

Jane raised an eyebrow.

"The right way? What's that supposed to mean? You want to have me against the wall? Any fetishes? I'm up for pretty much anything".

With that Jane grabbed Maura by the collar of her dress and quickly dragged them both over to the bed, Maura on top and Jane pinned underneath. Maura barely managed to get her hands in front of her and catch the fall. Before Maura had managed to wrap her head around what was happening, Jane had wrapped her arms around Maura's neck and was full on kissing her.

For just a moment, Maura allowed herself to get lost in the moment and kissed Jane back. What she felt, was beyond anything she had ever experienced in her life. It wasn't close to anything she had even read about. Just kissing her felt like all the fireworks in the world had been fired up and exploded inside of her. She was so lost in what she was feeling, that she almost forgot that she was supposed to fight off the detective beneath her. When she finally did, she pushed off so hard, she practically flew through the room. Jane looked puzzled , obviously she had been convinced she was about to get her way.

Maura shook her head, trying to clear it. Jane had just kissed her. JANE had kissed HER. Maura was feeling dizzy.

"Jane! I told you no. I'm not doing this just because you are messed up about Barry. You would never even have thought about this if you weren't drunk and upset about all of this".

"But I do want this. I've wanted this for a long time. I've just..."

Maura interrupted her.

"Don't lie to me. You're pregnant with Casey's child. Well, possibly anyway. So don't you dare do this to me".

With that Maura stormed out of Jane's apartment, forgetting her coat and purse in her hurry to get out.

Jane tried to call after her. She wasn't sure where she had gone wrong, but she knew she had screwed up bad this time

Jane was left all alone, sulking and pondering about Maura's visit.

Maura on the other hand, was speeding through the city on her way back to Beacon Hill where she hoped to find Angela in the guest house.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Alright then, looks like the next instalment is already here. I understand that some of you might have been a bit upset about the previous chapter, and I'm sorry about that. I probably should have put up a warning about that. I apologise to all of you who was offended. Unfortunately I also seemed to lose some readers in the process, and that sucks, but oh well. Shit happens. Anyway, I had to do that, it's an important part of the story and will also be mentioned in later chapters. Anyway, from now on, things will be at least a little brighter. For a while, anyway.**_

_**Okay. Enough of me rambling on. Let's get started with the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it :)**_

_**-B**_

Maura arrived at her house with tears streaming down her face. She ran up to the guest house and furiously knocked on the door. The older woman answered the door soon after, the worry was obvious on her face, probably after hearing the urgency of the knocking. As soon as a he saw Maura's expression, she embraced the woman in a tight hug.

"Oh, Maura dear. What did Jane do this time?"

Maura stiffened. How did she know? She hadn't told anyone where she went last night. Had Jane called? As of sensing Maura's thoughts, Angela immediately tried to calm her down,

"Jane didn't call, but she's the only one capable of of making you this upset. Cone on sweetie, let's get you inside. I'll make you a nice cup of tea and you can tell me all about what stupidity she pulled on you this time".

Angela led Maura in to the main house with an arm wrapped around her shoulders and put her down on the couch. Angela went about to make them both some tea. A few minutes later, Angela sat down on the couch next to Maura and handed a crying Maura one of the cups. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just drinking their tea. When Maura finished her tea, she put the cup down on the coffee table and sighed before she started her tale about last night and this mornings events.

"I tried calling Jane again. She didn't pick up and I was getting worried, so I decided it was time to go see her. She didn't answer the door, so I just used my key to get in. Oh Angela, I'm so worried about her. The place is a mess. She is a mess. I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid of losing her. She was sleeping on the couch with a beer bottle in her hand. I fell asleep there, waiting for her to wake up. Next thing I know, Jane is in the bathroom and had smashed her fist through the mirror. She locked herself in her bedroom, so I climbed in through the window to force her to talk to me. We fought for a while Before she started to turn unpleasant. She wanted to sleep with me, Angela. She even kissed me. I've never seen her like this, Angela. I was so scared. I just don't know what to do".

Maura hadn't looked at the older woman during her entire story, so she hadn't seen the look of horror on her face when she told about Jane forcing herself on the doctor. Once again Angela wrapped her arms around Maura and embraced her in another tight hug.

"Oh Maura. I'm going to kill that woman. She's so stupid. She doesn't even see what she has right in front of her".

Maura pulled out of the hug, confused about what the other woman meant.

"What do you mean, right in front of her? Her eyesight is quite perfect, so there is no reason why she wouldn't see what is right in front of her. She is also an excellent detective, making your statement even less believable".

Angela shook her head, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"No, Maura. It's a figure of speech. What I mean is that the two of you are perfect for each other, and for some reason she can seem to figure that out. Which sometimes does make me question her abilities as a detective".

Maura bowed her head. She had never realised that other people might have noticed anything about their relationship extending beyond friendship, even if it wasn't mutual.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Jane and I are just friends".

Angela raised an eyebrow.

"Come on Maura. Everybody knows you two are crazy about each other. Well, everyone but Jane, that is. And don't you dare try to lie to me. I can see your hives on your neck from claiming you are just friends".

Maura blushed. Technically they were just friends, but she couldn't even pull that one to Angela.

"It doesn't matter. Jane doesn't care about me like that. I've settled with this fact a long time ago".

"You shouldn't settle, Maura. You and Jane are perfect for each other, and I will talk to her. She needs to understand what is going on".

Maura felt slightly panicked at the idea of having Angela fight this battle for her.

"No, Angela! Please don't do it. It honestly doesn't matter. I've learned to live with her as just my friend. It's better than not having her in my life at all".

"But she loves you too. How could you not have noticed? She is always watching you, and the way she looks at you when you don't see, it's so obvious she's in love with you. I can't for my dear life figure out why neither one of you have ever acted on it".

Maura was taken by surprise by Angela 's statement.

"No. I have never noticed anything beyond friendship. However, I've never had a friend before, much less a best friend, so to be honest, I just always assumed our relationship was normal".

"Maura, honey. Nothing about your relationship is the way normal friendships are. Your relationship is closer than mine and Jane's father were. Trust me maura, the two of you go way beyond friendship".

The doctor fell silent, sitting to ponder about what Angela had just said were they really that far beyond friendship? When she thought about it, people had always been making comments about how close they were and just assuming they were in a relationship.

Maura sat for a few minutes, thinking back and fourth about all of this. She was so deep in thought, she didn't even notice the other woman getting up from the couch and exiting the house.

She was going to tell Jane exactly how big of an idiot she was.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Okay, so it seems like I finally managed to get around to uploading another chapter, even though it's been done since before the last one was uploaded. Yay me?! So without much more ado, I'll let you guys get to it. I'll try not to wait too long with the next one.**_

_**Oh. And also I would like to get me one of those beta people things. I have no idea how that works, though. So if anyone volunteers, please do let me know. It seems like a good idea and all of that. So just let me know if you'd like to be a beta person, or know anyone or something :)**_

_**-B**_

Angela arrived at Jane's apartment. When she knocked on the door, it just slid open. She assumed Maura hadn't bothered to close it properly, and judging by the state of Jane's apartment, and what Maura had told her back at the house, Jane hadn't bothered to close it after her either. If she even had noticed, that is.

Jane was nowhere to be seen, so Angela began to call out for Jane as she began to navigate her way through the apartment. Shortly after, she arrived at the bedroom. As she entered, she saw Jane curled up on the floor, her knees pulled up against her chest. Angela could hear quiet sobbing coming from her only daughter on the floor. Her mother instincts immediately kicked in and she rushed over to the brunette on the floor, momentarily forgetting why she was there in the first place. After some effort, not made any easier by Jane fighting her, she managed to get Jane to sit up next to her on the floor,

"I screwed up, ma. I screwed up so bad", Jane sobbed into her mother's shoulder.

"I know you did, Jane, but why don't you tell me about it?" Angela answered motherly.

Jane was silent for a few moments, gathering herself before she began her story.

"Maura came over. I guess she was here all night, because she was asleep when I woke up. And for a moment, just a moment, I forgot about everything that has been pulling me down lately, I forgot about Frost and everything. For just a moment it was just me and Maura and I was happy again, still pining over Maura, but happy. But then I saw myself in the mirror, and everything went downhill from there. I remembered everything that had been happening, so I locked myself in here and Maura came climbing in through the window and we started fighting. We fought for a few minutes before I kissed her. She got really pissed off when I did, so we fought for another few minutes before I kissed her again. This last time, though, I proceeded to practically rape her. The look on her face when she left, I've never seen her like that. It was scary. I tried to call her back to apologize to her, but I guess she ignored me or was disgusted with me or something. I don't blame her, though. But I really love her, ma, and I just screwed it up really bad, just like I always do".

Angela felt her heart break for her little girl. She could see the love she felt for the doctor glowing in her eyes.

"Oh sweetie. I just talked to Maura. She is upset, but not for the reasons you think. She's upset because she thinks you only had in mind to use her. She is so madly in love with you, you can't even begin to understand it if you tried. You are too stupid, Jane. I wouldn't blame Maura for a second if she never spoke to you again after what you just did to her".

Jane sighed defeated. She knew that her mother was right. She wanted nothing more than to apologize to Maura and to do it the right way. The way Maura wanted to do it.

"I know. I just don't know how to fix this. Please help me talk to her. I just can't lose her. I love her so much, ma. Please just help me".

Angela felt so bad for her heartbroken daughter. Taking into account on how they belonged together, the woman just couldn't say no to her daughters' request.

"I'll help you, sweetie, but first you need to get a shower. You smell. When was your last shower? Last week?"

"Yeah, something like that. Thank you so much ma".

Jane kissed her mother on the cheek before she got up and headed to the bathroom where she got in the shower. She sighed. The burning hot water felt good on her skin, like a punishment for the way she had treated Maura that very same morning.

On the other side of the door, Angela went about to clean up the apartment a little. When she was sure that Jane was in the shower, she stopped up for a moment to call Maura to have her come over.

"Maura, it's Angela. I just talked to Jane. She's really sorry for what she did. She was actually crying when I got here. Do you think you could help me out here?"

Maura sighed on the other end, trying to decide what to do.

"I don't know, Angela. The last time I saw here, she didn't exactly seem to want to see me again anytime soon. I'm pretty sure she did anything she could to just drive me away".

"She is very sorry, Maura. She wants to apologize, but as usual she is too much of a coward to ask you to talk to her. She begged me to help her. She doesn't know I'm calling you now, though. She's in the shower, god knows she needs it. She thinks she has more time to prepare to face you, but I think both of you are better off just getting it over as soon as possible".

"I don't think I can do it, Angela. She really scared me this morning. Just have her call me in a few days when she has calmed down".

"Maura Dorothea Isles! For once in her life Jane knows how bad she screwed up and she wants to apologize for it, so you better drag your brainy butt down here because you will probably never see this again and I'll be damned if you are going to miss it".

With that, Angela just hung up the phone. Maura sighed.

"I guess she has got a point", she said out loud to Bass before she went to grab her coat and purse.  
However, she couldn't seem to find either at their usual spots, so she headed out to the car, thinking she might have left them there in her hurry to find Angela.  
After looking through the entire car with no luck, she went back to the house. Just as she closed the door behind her, she remembered leaving Jane's place in a hurry without grabbing her stuff before she left.  
Maura sighed loudly again. It didn't matter if she managed to get out of going there tonight, she had to go there at some point anyway to retrieve her stuff. She knew asking Angela would just be a waste of time, she would refuse to bring her things back, just so Maura would be forced to go there herself. And forced to face the beautiful detective.

That woman could be so sneaky sometimes.


End file.
